On women and relationships

As a disclaimer for this post, please understand that I may have no idea what I am talking about and you may very easily disagree with everything I say here haha. I've had numerous discussions about all of this with many people and here is what I've taken away from those conversations.

If there is one question that we guys want to know the answer to, one question we will probably never find the answer to, but one answer we will search for until the day we die, it's "What do women want?" Obviously there is no universal answer and this is because all women are different and want different things. Also, what each individual wants changes as they get older (this applies to everyone). I do believe, however, that there are some basic things that are fairly consistent among girls: treat them with respect, make them feel special and important to you, and be sincere about it. Don't be fake- women aren't stupid and they know when you're lying.

But seriously, being a guy in this situation is difficult. Now I'm not complaining about being a guy and I'm not saying that girls have it easy. I love being a guy and think it's so much easier in general, but that's besides the point. It's just that most of the time, we don't know what we're doing. This may be out of fear (of rejection or the unknown) or ignorance. I try to be as attentive as I can to what a girl might want, but it's still confusing lol. Do we ask for your number or is that creepy? Should we text you right back after you text us? Is it inappropriate for a guy to make it known that he likes a girl? Things like this can drive a guy crazy.

I'd first like to talk about the friend zone. I honestly think it's a sorry excuse for why someone doesn't "like" someone else. Now this can apply to both guys and girls, but since I'm a guy, I'm going to talk about this from a guy's point of view. If a girl puts you in the friend zone, she's saying that she wants you in her life, but ONLY as a friend. Ouch, right? As much as a guy likes having friends that are girls (which we do), if we have feelings for someone and they tell us we are just a friend, it's pretty rough.

An old teacher once told me that we shouldn't have to defend liking something/someone, but there should be a reason if we don't. I don't ever think that the real reason is that a girl sees a guy just as a friend. If she doesn't want to change of the nature of their relationship in fear of ruining the friendship, that's a whole different story because that can imply that she could possibly have feelings for him. All I'm trying to say is that there must be a reason, whether she wants to share it or not.

Can guys get out of the friend zone? I think if a girl answers "No" or "Never" to this question, I think it is incredibly immature. Here's the reason: single guys, think about all of the girls you know in your life (other than family members because gross haha). Is there anyone you say with 100% certainty that you would NEVER consider being with? I can't. And I would be very surprised if anyone answered yes to this question and would want to know why.

Something else that bothers me involves creeps, jerks, and douchebags (pardon my language if this is offensive). There is a large pool of guys- many in high school and even more in college that do not respect or care about women and are only after one thing... Now you might be thinking, don't worry about those guys because they don't affect you. Well, sadly they do. They affect everyone.

We really only have the experiences in our lives for us to refer to. So when a girl comes across a guy like this and he screws her over in some way or another, she can become skeptical and/or cynical about love/relationships/guys. The thing is when she meets a genuinely nice guy, he doesn't stand a very good chance because her guard is up. He sees this and then he becomes more insecure than he probably already is. Well that's not fair. I guess what I'm getting at is: Guys, don't be mean to girls and Girls, just know that there are good guys out there.

The last issue that I want to talk about is when to act. It's pretty embarrassing for a guy to make some kind of move when the girl doesn't feel the same way, and get shot down. On the other hand, wouldn't it be a shame if she did like him and he never did anything about it, even if he wanted to? A lot of the time, guys and girls play games like playing hard to get- being conveniently busy to see how far the other person will go in order to spend time with them. What's up with that? It shouldn't be this complicated- if you want to hang out with someone, do it. If you want to text someone, do it. If two people want to be together, do it.

Chemistry between two people is important. Obviously a physical attraction is a must, but also that intangible. I have numerous friends in relationships that may not necessarily be good together on paper, but just click so well that it works.

Don't be afraid of the future. If you are looking for a reason not to be in a relationship, it won't be hard to find one. But what are you afraid of? If you want to be with someone and they reciprocate the feeling, pursue the relationship and be together. It's important to look ahead and think about the future, but don't let fear of the unknown stop you from being happy now. You never know what the future holds for you. Just relax and enjoy being with that other person.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift...that's why they call it the present.