On holding grudges and letting go

Please note that the content included in this post is probably the most personal I have ever put online. I hope this provides you with some insight and helps you in your future endeavors.

It's pretty easy to hold a grudge, and it gets even easier as the number you hold increases. I have learned this over the years as I have kept many grudges, preparing to hold on to them for as long as I could. I think it's fair to assume that most people have held a grudge against another at one point in their life. Why do we do this to ourselves, to others? What purpose does it serve in our lives?

I think it starts with assigning blame. I think it takes a great deal of maturity to take the blame for something of which we are truly responsible; it's easy to blame someone else. Almost everyone gossips and when we talk about our interactions with other people, it's common to describe ourselves as the innocent victim whenever conflict, or fallout arises. I think we do this to prove to others, and to justify to ourselves, that we are not at fault. That's where a grudge starts. As years go by, sometimes we forget why we hold the grudge- we just know that we're still upset about something that was completely their fault. Kinda stupid isn't it?

I guess as we get older, some of us come to this realization and ask ourselves, "What purpose does holding this grudge serve in our lives?" Most of the time, we cannot come up with a valid answer. It seems a bit silly that we could get so worked up for such a long time about something that now seems rather insignificant. This was the case for me as I have held grudges against four people who I used to call my best friends at different times in my life.

I have just recently let go of my grudges against these people and finally stopped bearing ill feelings towards them. Even though we are no longer friends because of some type of fallout, I am grateful for the time we enjoyed together and for all they have taught me. It's diffcult to look back on relationships you had with people in the past and to see the good they have brought to your life. I am thankful for those who have helped me reach this point.

Two of these people were my best friends for about eight years. One of them was basically my brother and I must say that I take most of the responsibility for this particular fallout. However, this guy taught me to really be myself around other people and to not care what people think of me. He was the happiest guy I knew and I was jealous of that. I do regret not trying to make things right, but I guess that's life- we make decisions and have to live with the consequences of our actions. The other person was probably my first role model. She was just such a kind and wonderful friend to everyone and I wanted to be like that too. She helped me learn the difference between right and wrong and meant the world to me. I think this particular fallout was the result of foolish pride on both sides. We changed and grew apart; we were too proud to admit the mistakes we both made and barely ever spoke again.

The third person and I became friends very quickly. We just had so much in common and we clicked extremely well. Unfortunately, this person hurt me pretty badly and I dealt with the issue the only way I knew how. I confronted her and things were never the same. It took me about four years to truly forgive her. She taught me the importance of laughter and enthusiasm in life and for that, I feel so lucky to have had her as a friend for as long as I did.

This last person was probably the second best friend I have ever had. She taught me so incredibly much about so many things. Because of her, I became more independent and truly learned the meaning of actions speaking louder than words. Even though this fallout was no one's fault, it was definitely the most devastating. But at the same time, I don't regret anything that happened between us and feel that she was an integral part of helping me become who I am today.

These grudges that I held for so long added no value to my life. I think it was just a way for me to protect myself from things that went wrong in the past. Let me tell you, it's pretty liberating to let these things go because I can't change what happened; I can only move forward. It's important to remember the past and appreciate all the good times you've had. But it's also good to enjoy the present and look onward to the future and all the good times to come.