On inspiration

This was a school assignment completed by a 15 year old boy, shortly before passing away due to a rare form of cancer in 2007:

"What is the purpose of life?

As the famous James Dean once said “Dream as if you’ll live forever and live as if you’ll die today.” You only have so much time to live, so spend everyday as if it were your last and fulfill your wishes, be gracious to elders, your friends, and family, and do not be afraid to show the real you. The love of our friends and family and the ability to dream and keep memories makes life worth living.

Most people just take life for granted. They drink, smoke or murder to get out of reality because their bad memories hover around them. They need to accept their problems and move on with life. I know this is a tough process but that’s how life is. There are fulfilling and unfulfilling deeds and we all must leave them behind and look for to a solution. We must spend time with friends or family because they make us whole. They light up our day when we are gloomy and pick us up when we have fallen. It has been proven by scientists that babies need contact in any way to survive; one baby was left alone for a few days and died and another was given company and lived. This comes to prove; every living organism needs contact as a reason for it to live, otherwise, it might feel all alone and feel no point in living. This contact could be a hug, a conversation, a good deed for someone else, or even a little hello to let that person know that they exist and that you care.

Memories and dreams always, come to mind. When we see, hear, smell, touch, or feel certain things, we tend to remember good memories/experiences or dreams/ideas. Memories and dreams occupy us when we are bored, writing essays, remembering the “good old days,” or just trying to grow a few inches. They take us where we want to be and create a relaxing getaway. Good memories and dreams can help us in the darkest times and when we need them most. For example; they help us remember all of the fantastic moments spent with your grandma, before she departed this world and dream about the wonderful place she is in now. Also, dream about all of the events you still can do together, knowing that she will always be in your heart. Without dreams or memories, our dreams of skydiving and the memory of luscious smelling chocolate would fade away and there would be no motivation, to keep on living.

The average life span of a human today in about eighty-six and the oldest woman, Mrs. Clement from France, lived to be one hundred and twenty-two. She out lived her kids and her grandson; at this point to me, there would be no point in living. You have no more family or friends left and your memories and dreams fade as time passes by. The only people you probably come in contact with, is nosey reporters who want to hear your life story. Life, sometimes in your dark and depressing days, seem point less, and you just wonder why we are here and why life sucks so much. These days can be caused by injuries, no contact, or a loss, which bring up horrible memories and ideas. These make you cry and dwell on the hardships of life and put you back to a person who takes life for granted. There are always, always complications in life, but we need to make our own path that will make our lives more enjoyable.

If you think your life sucks, think about all the other children and families who have the same problems as you but way worse off. Think about the people who are going to lose their loved ones or already have. Those who will never forget the tears that they shed as the house remained quite, the beautiful smile and charming face glowing in memory, the troubled voice that still hovers over the passenger seat, and the thought that you will never see your only love until you die (In Memory of Jane Dabney). Those who have lost their loved ones feel the only solution in solving their problem, is to take there life, so they can be with the ones they love. Imagine how sad and broken hearted those people feel; waking up everyday knowing that a part of your heart is missing, how could or would you want to live like that? Also think about all of those people who are suffering and dying, do you think they regret life. I bet they wish they could have done things differently and enjoy life as you still can. Treat everyday as if it were your last and remember life is a gift; it can easily be taken away."- Mitchell Louie

We must listen to and be inspired by these words, and know that we have been given the greatest gift of all.

On bridges

At this point, I kinda feel like I'm on this metaphorical bridge, linking two significant parts of my life together. It's a weird feeling, being suspended this way.

I miss college a lot, not as much as I thought I would, but still a good amount- I miss my friends, my brother, Los Angeles, the spirit (and Bella Pita). Looking back, it really did fly by; I can still remember my first day on campus- it remains so vivid. It's so crazy that it's over. Then on the other side, a corporate job, sitting there waiting for me. It's gonna be a grind, but it's still a ways away, and I'm up for it.

It's just that things are pretty different now, but I guess that was to be expected, especially during this "in-between time". I've traveled more in the past four months than I have in the past four years (and I'll be in Santa Cruz and Santa Barbara in May!). In the past five weeks, I've read two books for leisure (and enjoyed them!), learned to play a new song on the piano, worked out on a fairly consistent basis, and worked a lunch rush in a food truck. Who would have thought? Kind of an eclectic array of things keeping me busy lol.

It's a pretty huge bridge, and it's such an unknown feeling, floating like this for so long. I'm trying to figure out if I like hanging out here in the middle, or if I'd rather sprint towards the other end. I guess I don't have much of a choice, but then again, maybe that's a good thing.

On smiling

"A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."- Unknown

On breakups

This post is dedicated to @leslieaznglo.

Breakups are messy; I don't think there's much use in disputing that. Even the cleanest of breakups eventually result in some type of residual debris. Trust me. You might not see it right away, but unfortunately it's there, and in the saddest way possible, it's super hard to avoid. There are always things left unsaid, combined with the constant confusion and wondering going on in your head. And it doesn't help if your now separate lives are more intertwined than you'd prefer. It's a really awful thing to go through, but it's just part of the relationship ending.

I think the worst part of it all is the fact that there always seems to be more. Just when you think you've moved on, something triggers part of you that brings up unresolved feelings. When you think you're over it, you unexpectedly run into them and you may relapse. It definitely doesn't help when your friends remain friends with your ex, especially if they met because of your former relationship. They weren't even friends to begin with, right? Choosing sides may be a difficult task, but it's so important to be loyal to your friends. See how messy things can get?

Breakups can be rough, no matter how long the relationship lasted. They can get you down, and really affect your self esteem as well as future relationships. Despite all of this, we have to remember that there's always risk as we enter new relationships, searching for the right person, and that we can learn from our past ones. Breakups are messy, but so is life. This may be the optimist in me talking, but I truly believe that it'll all be worth it in the end.

On working in a restaurant

I apologize for not finding a better way to say this without potentially sounding redundant, or arrogant, but I've been lucky enough to have experienced a series of fortuitous events during the past month or so. After graduation, the plan was to travel a bit, take my CPA (Certified Public Accountant) review classes with Becker, pass all four parts of the test, and then start working full time in the fall for PwC in San Francisco. I had also hoped to find a part time job for the spring and summer to supplement my time studying for the exams, and to make a little extra money on the side.

Well, I went on two amazing trips, just started my Becker courses, and was able to find a job that so far seems to fit me and my schedule perfectly. After sending out about a dozen resumes and going through a couple of different interviews, I was given a job at a modern Indian restaurant called Curry Up Now in San Mateo. If there's two things I love, they are people and food, and this job allows me to be around both.

I'd never worked in a restaurant before, although I have worked many events for my aunt's catering company in the past. It's pretty tough being on your feet for so long, but it's also a lot of fun. I mainly run the beverage station, but also work the cash register and do food prep. My coworkers are pretty chill and the food is truly awesome, made with fresh and quality ingredients. I'm actually excited when I go to work and the time goes by so quickly, especially when the lunch rush comes. I'm so glad that this all worked out the way it did. It's gonna be an interesting next few months.

Curry Up Now started out with just a single food truck; there are now three currently running on the peninsula. The restaurant is relatively new, but doing quite well nonetheless. If you want to check it out, CurryUpNow is on twitter and facebook.

One of the Curry Up Now Food Trucks

On forgiveness

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."- Paul Boese

For whatever reason, we sometimes make poor decisions and do bad things that affect those we care about. In these situations, intentions really don't seem to matter and apologies fail. However, there are rare cases in which we're forgiven, and it's moments like these that we need to cherish.

Things take time, and fortunately they're looking up.

On blogging

This post is dedicated to Derek and Vidur (for encouraging me to start a blog) and to Justin (for the idea of a blog post about blogging).

So I've been writing in this blog for about four months now and during that time, I have found myself questioning my motives for doing so. I'm not debating on whether or not it's a good idea because I believe it is, but instead why. As I'm sure most of you are aware, the past year has brought many changes to my life- I've experienced so many new things, and changed the way I see various aspects of the world. Like I mentioned before, for those who know me well enough, I love to talk and I assign high value to deep and meaningful conversation. I guess this blog is a good way for me to start future conversations, letting people know how I feel about any number of things and opening myself up to everyone (and hopefully helping to improve my writing skills).

I'm what you would call a classic over-thinker. It's something I've been aware of and trying to improve about myself for a long time, occasionally forcing myself to truly relax and take things for what they are. I feel like my mind is always going, and although I don't believe it's a bad thing to constantly be thinking, I'm striving for moderation. I think that this blog helps me organize my thoughts in a (hopefully somewhat) concise manner; it puts my mind at ease. I've talked about stress before and ways we can mitigate it in the midst of our hectic lives. This is an outlet I've found that works for me.

I wanted to take this chance to thank those of you who read my blog, whether you've read most of my posts or just a few. It means a lot to me and I hope that you've all gotten something out of hearing what I have to say. I also wanted to ask if you have any suggestions about things to write about. I'm curious about what's on your mind :) Let me know...

On our deepest fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

On love

"Love one and others"- Brian Leong

On bleacher seats

I can't remember the last time I chanted "Beat LA"- it was awesome. I went to the Giants/Dodgers game last night, and with the series tied at one a piece, I was lucky enough to get to witness the rubber match. We sat in the fourth row of the center field bleachers which was awesome for us, but not for Matt Kemp, the Dodgers centerfielder. We singled him out and heckled him so much, which was a lot of fun (telling him he's a bum and that he sucks), and even got a rise out of him when the crowd started chanting "Rhianna...Rhianna..."

The security at AT&T was crazy because of the incident in LA not to long ago. Tons of rowdy people, from both sides, were escorted out of the ballpark and it was not the right time or place to be a Dodger fan, especially because the Giants won 4-3! Wilson got the save, so we all got to see the beard, and it's always great to beat your rivals, especially at home.

It didn't matter that it was freezing cold because the bleachers felt like the right place to be. The Giants fans were bleeding orange and black, yelling and booing Dodger fans as they went up and down the aisles, drowning out their pitiful cheers. There was so much spirit in our section with all the hats, jerseys, and signs. It got so loud when Sandoval and Fontenot (the third string second-baseman) both hit solo shots in the bottom of the sixth to put us ahead- everyone went crazy. Beat LA! Beat LA! Beat LA!

What a great game. Baseball really is the best sport.

AT&T Park
View from the Bleachers
(more pictures on facebook)

On when you least expect it

I was just sitting there, minding my own business. Then it happened, and I haven't stopped smiling since.

On Boston

Last night I got back from one of the best trips I've ever been on. I went to Boston to stay with Alexis at Wellesley College, and was in New England for six days. It was so fantastic being there and hanging out with her- catching up and joking around, just like always lol.

Everything in Wellesley and Boston seems so different from home in the sense that most of the buildings are made of brick (can't have that in California because of the potential earthquakes) and that everything is so much older and rich with history. Being in the area also felt so much calmer; although people were busy, it all seemed less hectic. What's ironic is that the most obvious difference between the two coasts, the weather, wasn't too different. While I was there, the air was cooler, but at the same time, the sun was out and I didn't encounter any rain or snow. I guess I just got lucky.

It was really awesome to see Wellesley's campus. The architecture of the buildings is so beautiful and has such a classic feel to it. Wellesley has it's own lake that we walked around and the whole campus felt so open and spread out (there was so much brick haha). While Alexis and the varsity track team had practice during weekdays, I was fortunate enough to be able to work out at their athletic center, which was good because I ate so much over the past week. You would think that being the one of the only guys on the campus of a women's college would be awesome, but it was kind of intimidating because I felt so conspicuous. Luckily, most were fairly chill about it. It was no surprise that her friends were so easy to get along with, and it's probably even less of a surprise that she embarrassed me in badminton. The food on campus was good, despite what Alexis might say, and I even had New England Clam Chowder...in New England!

Last Saturday, I went into downtown Boston to meet up with Sasha, who goes to Boston University. I was really glad I got to see her because it had been a while, and she was an awesome tour guide. We walked along the Freedom Trail, which takes you all around Boston and leads you to some amazing historical sites: Boston Common and Public Garden, the grave-sites of Paul Revere and Benjamin Franklin, Quincy Market, the Paul Revere House, City Hall, the Old North Church, etc.

That day, I ate so well. Before taking the commuter rail into Boston from Wellesley, I got coffee and a Boston Kreme donut from Dunkin' Donuts. America really does run on Dunkin'...it's great coffee. In Boston, Sasha and I went to the famous, and original, Pizzeria Regina and got cannolis from local favorite, Mike's Pastry (which apparently is better than Modern Pastry Shop). We also ate at America's oldest restaurant, ye olde Union Oyster House, where we had mussels, fried calamari, and cornbread. So good. We walked and took the T around Boston, and made our way to Fenway Park! I had been wanting to go there for such a long time and even though we couldn't go inside for a tour (because the Sox had a day game against the hated Yankees), it was indescribable being in that atmosphere, caught up in baseball's oldest rivalry (Sox won the weekend series 2-1!). Sasha also showed me around BU's campus, which is really close to Fenway (lucky), and it's such a large and pretty place to go to school.

I am so happy that I was able to take this vacation because I had been wanting to get out to Boston for such a long time. I got to have awesome food (I forgot to mention that Alexis and I also had cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory) and spend time with some amazing people. It's something I'll never forget and I can't wait to go back (and find a good lobster roll).

Me in front of the Paul Revere Statue
(more pictures on facebook)

On ineffability

The first and only time I really got stung, it hurt, a lot.

But it died pretty soon after, so that was good,

and the pain eventually went away.

I'm more careful about that kind of thing now, or maybe conscious.

And as I got up, I stood in awe

for the glorious sight in front of my eyes.

Running, baking, praying, and dancing

all simultaneously with such grace, and I couldn't help but smile.

With experience on my side, and somewhat of a chip on my shoulder,

I try not to move as to not disturb the beauty.

What now?

So many reasons, yet some ineffable.

I open my mouth as if to speak, but I'm muted.

Muted by my past and my future.

I'll never forget, and I hope that memory is shared.

On selfishness

I don't believe that people are inherently evil. However, I do believe that people are inherently selfish. For those of you reading this, thinking to yourselves, "I'm not selfish," I urge you to consider what I have to say.

It's a pretty arbitrary term, selfishness; it's difficult to characterize someone as selfish or not with absolute certainty because it's a loaded word. When I say that people are inherently selfish, I include myself, as well as some of the most generous people I know. Here is my reasoning: when we make decisions in our lives, no matter how big the scale, a large majority of the time we're looking for the choice that most benefits ourselves. This seems to be a rational assertion.

At this point, many of you might be thinking, "I do things that aren't the most benefitial for me because I put others before myself, and will do things to help them even if they impose consequences or costs on me." I wouldn't dispute this at all. I know many people who feel this way and I, too, have said this to myself before. However, whether we like it or not, we're still selfish. Just because something isn't the most benefitial doesn't mean there isn't any benefit at all.

In relation to what I said earlier, everyone is an economist to a certain degree- we all do a cost-benefit analysis when making decisions. A rational decision-maker will only take action when the benefits exceed the costs. Based on this, we can see that there is a point where the benefits of a given action equal the costs and we will not take any action beyond that, when the costs are greater than the benefits. This seems like a bunch of economics jargon, but what I'm trying to say is that "generous" people will help others in need, as long as the benefits exceed the costs. There's still a benefit to acting and I believe that's selfish, because once the costs grow larger than the benefits, no one acts.

To put this into context, let's look at an example of charity- take Hurricane Katrina for example. Donating $10, or even $100, to the relief fund to help the victims survive and assist in the rebuilding of the city is really a wonderful thing to do. No arguments there. They need money and you are providing some to help those in need. However, the decision to donate money is somewhat selfish, not a bad thing to do, but selfish. This is why: the cost (to you, the patron) of donating money to the fund is the dollar amount you donate. However, the benefits are far greater: you get self satisfaction from your good deed (makes you feel good about yourself) and you can also tell other people what you did, and they will most likely pat you on the back for giving to charity. Telling people of your good deeds is selfish because you're probably looking for recognition, and the need to be recognized for your efforts is selfish.

When an action's costs surpass its benefits, we don't act. If we truly cared about assisting those affected by the disaster in New Orleans, we would go to Lousiana and physically help out. Make sense? Well we can't possibly go there because we have school, or jobs, or families to care for. Sound about right? Or why don't we donate all the money we have because we care so much about providing assistance. We're not going to go because costs outweigh benefits. Selfish. How about when a friend needs a ride somewhere? The benefit is that they owe you a favor in the future and the cost depends on where they need to go. Would you drive your friend to the store? Yea. How about the airport? Sure. How about cross state? Why? Cross country? Huh? Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme, but do see where I'm getting at? You have to draw the line somewhere, and that's going to be the point at which you assess the benefits no longer exceeding the costs. We will do things that are inconvenient for us, just as long as they aren't too inconvenient.

I want to qualify all of this by saying a few things: I think it's important to better understand the word "selfish" and how we use it. Just because people are inherently selfish doesn't mean they're bad by any means. Donating money to charity is a fantastic thing to do and I applaud anyone who participates in it. Furthermore, I have so much respect for people who physically help those in need by volunteering their time and efforts (my brother helped build a house in Juarez, Mexico and I admire him so much for doing that). Friends don't always help each other out in exchange for future favors, but don't take advantage of people who are generous because that's just wrong- have their back if they have yours.

The point of this blog post was to simply point out something that I've talked about with people before, and observed about the human condition. It's written from an economic standpoint (if you haven't already figured that out), so certain assumptions have to hold true and I've taken what I believe to be a pretty logical approach in supporting my argument. Please try to understand the underlying principles of what I'm saying- take from it what you will.

On "Digging"

Digging- Seamus Heaney (1966)

"Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests; as snug as a gun.

Under my window a clean rasping sound
When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:
My father, digging. I look down

Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds
Bends low, comes up twenty years away
Stooping in rhythm through potato drills
Where he was digging.

The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft
Against the inside knee was levered firmly.
He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep
To scatter new potatoes that we picked
Loving their cool hardness in our hands.

By God, the old man could handle a spade,
Just like his old man.

My grandfather could cut more turf in a day
Than any other man on Toner's bog.
Once I carried him milk in a bottle
Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up
To drink it, then fell to right away
Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods
Over his shoulder, digging down and down
For the good turf. Digging.

The cold smell of potato mold, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it."

What will you dig with?

On rivalries and loyalty

Vidur: "Do you ever think you'll be friends with someone who went to U$C?"

Me: "No."

Rohit: "What about if they were your boss?"

Me: "I'd quit."

Bruins are forever

On cruises

About a week ago, 16 of us went on a three day Carnival cruise to Ensenada, Mexico for Spring Break. If you have the chance to go on a cruise, do it! It was so much fun, hanging out with everyone away from school- nobody having to worry about anything and just being able to relax. The great thing about cruises is that there is always so much to do and so much to eat lol. Even though vacations are supposed to be somewhat calm and relaxing, this trip wasn't, but in the best way possible. I remember our group going from activity to activity with very little downtime- it was awesome.

We did trivia (sports, tv, random) and game show mania- Nelson and I lost, but Dan redeemed the group. We saw comedy among other shows and sang karaoke (some of us yelled more than sang). We took advantage of the jacuzzi, sauna, and gym, and I played in the ping pong tournament, but unfortunately lost in the finals to Noel (he'll tell you he won 11-0, but the score was really 17-15). One of the coolest parts of the trip for me was playing craps in the casino for the first time. I don't know if you want to call it beginners luck, but I got extremely lucky, more so than ever before when gambling. My first time shooting lasted about half an hour and it seemed like everyone at the table was winning, including me and my friends, as they all cheered me on. It was such an amazing experience, constantly rolling the dice and hitting numbers people were calling out.

On the second day of the cruise, we went into Ensenada to see La Bufadora, the worlds largest blowhole or ocean geyser. We walked around the flea market near the attraction and ate some great food. We had these huge clams mixed with peppers, onions, and cheese, and also ate fish tacos (Ensenada is the birthplace of the fish taco) and churros. The food on the ship was also super good: flat-iron steak, lobster tail and shrimp, braised short ribs, stuffed mushrooms, smoked duck breast, chocolate molten lava cake, pizza buffet, mexican buffet, etc.

Yes, we managed to find some time to drink.

The best part of the trip was being able to run around the ship and participate in all these things with my friends. It was so nice to get away with all of them, especially because I definitely won't get to see them as often anymore. I also reconnected with a friend who I recently hadn't been as close to as before. It was super cool to catch up with him.

Hands down one of the best trips I've ever been on and I'm so excited for the next one. Luckily for me, I get to go to Boston in a few days to visit Alexis and as Bart Scott says- can't wait!

Rohit and I singing, "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing"
(more pictures on facebook)

On puzzle pieces

You know when you're doing a puzzle and you come across a couple of pieces that look like they match perfectly, but when you try to put them together it just doesn't work? I absolutely hate that; it's so frustrating. However, as much as we want them to fit, we can't just simply force them to match because then the picture won't look right. It's not that you have the wrong pieces; it's that they should be paired with different ones- ones that you might have initially overlooked- to make another picture. Despite all of this, there certainly are times where if we turn the pieces the right way, they seem to fall into place. I would guess that most of us continue to turn until we find the fit we're looking for, no matter how long it takes.